Fav Photos - Paris

Versailles: Finding the Emperor with No Clothes

Though not a fan of the Baroque and pretty sure that more may be less, I am certain that too much is.  Nevertheless, I was looking forward to taking the kids to Versailles, the must-see French Palace.  After all it commands the interest of 11 million visitors per annum. (Which the 36,000 prols who turned a swamp into the palace grounds may or may not have appreciated.)

"You'll need at least 2 days to see it all!"  we were told at the start of our 3 hour tour.  Our guide, a Latin American gentleman easily narrating in excellent Spanish, French and English (thus a hero), shared his adoration of all things Versailles during the 20 minute drive,  provided very interesting historical details, and .  . 

. . .  Oh Hell, this is my blog.

I appreciate the craftsmanship and the artistry, but . . . c'mon . . . really . . . the palace is gaudy and ghastly.  Too much inside.  Too little outside.  Opulent and barren.   2 days?  Maybe if you wanted to examine every leaf (gold or green).  I was done in 45 minutes -- another 30 in the gardens.  

Over a thousand rooms, with little to distinguish the royal ones:   gold, gilt, tapestries, paintings, sculptures, mirrors, crystal, glittering glass.  There are many exquisite pieces and extraordinary paintings but they overwhelm each other.  There are just too many.  It is as if a kleptomanic toddler was let loose in a Disney Princess Decorating Depot.  (Speaking of toddlers, Trump Towers, anyone?)

Outside, the gardens (fields) were a mockery of Nature to the other extreme:  straight lines, jarhead trees and insipid flowers.  Nothing wild, lush, useful, surprising.  No intrigue.  No enticement.  Passionless.  Sterile.  Clearly the manifestation of a frightened mind, fearful of its own imagination.  

"Okay Louis, Louis, and Louis, 14, 15, 16, you guys are rich.  Really, really, really rich. Super duper rich.  Mega toys. YOU win!"

. . . . soooooooo  now what?

"Get over your short, silly selves!  You, Mr XIVth, may be the sun, but it's spelled s-o-n.   And, for godssake, take a bath!"

"Oh, and before I go:  Shame on You, You and You."

We want statuary!

Where's My Horse?

Three things I enjoyed at Versailles

1.  Watching a crane move a statue.

2.  Wondering why it took 8 paramedics, 3 ambulances and 45 minutes to deal with a knee-scraped, bloody-nosed woman who'd fallen down two shallow stairs.  Either she was fine or she needed faster care.

3.  Imaging tearing it up across acres of lawn on a galloping horse!

Becoming a native . . .

D'accord.   I've been in Paris for a few hours and have already 

• taken about 200 expected photos, 
• 3 good ones, 
• visited the Eiffel Tower, 
• ate crepes, 
• drank wine,  
• got a little bit lost,  
• took a boat tour on the Seine,  
• jumped a turnstile and, very soon thereafter,  argued (in French -- yeah me) with an official over my ticket, 
• elbowed a bitchy Russian, 
• and very nearly punched an old Italian woman cutting in line.  

Paris is NOT for sissies.  So I'm fittin' right in.

NARDA IN PARIS:

Belgium is VERY famous for it's excellent chocolate -- all part of our children's classical European education. Poor Dears!

"MOM! Let's get the BIG ONES!"

-- "Sweets, they'll get all melty."

"But is would be the PERFECT present for Adrian!"

-- "Honey,  we've all had enough of melty boobs."

Yo Flintstone, Meet George Jetson

For more years than my toes and fingers will allow me to count, I‘ve been claiming European worldliness because  “I lived in Europe for years (1970’s, 1980’s) and traveled all over by train (1980‘s)”  It seems, however, that things have changed.  It seems, therefore, that I don’ no nothing’:
 

1.  There is  a new European Union thing going on -- one currency; and borders are mere political suggestions.  Passport, smash port.

2.  Trains have seats for everybody -- some even reserved!  No more sharing the WC with 2 backpacks and an over amorous Italian adolescent.

3.  Everyone’s learned English.  Thoughtful.   One less thing.

4.  What’s a traveler’s check?  Am Ex, VISA, MC?  No problem.  Though actually signing a cc receipt is considered antique and risky.  Here, everyone has a PIN to type in rather than sign.  We, ye ole clodhoppers, have to ask, with mustered bravado,  to charge things "the old way."

5.  Despite the claims of Belgian restaurants, all tap water is potable.  Note the 25% drink’s tax.  Unrelated, I’m sure.

6.  Wireless everywhere! Including on the train (free!)!  And you can pre-order your taxi from said train to await you at your destination "gare." No need to make friends or talk to anyone.

7.  British trains no longer run on time -- sorry, India.

8.  While is remains uncouth to discuss money,  politics and sex are now fair conversational game -- especially with young children.

9.  Tennis shoes and jeans -- if someone’s wearing them, they are probably NOT American.  We wear khakis to be more European. They wear jeans to . . . Show they don’t care what . . . Oh never mind.  

10.  If you forget to take a photo of something, you can find one on the Internet.  In fact, you can use the Internet to make up your whole trip.  (How do I know this? Okay.  OKAY! I’m actually writing from Gresham.  Geez.  Details.  Details.)

What brought us to Bruges?

The movie  "In Bruges" -- really -- absolutely serious.  Hadn't even heard of it before!  See the movie!  Unless you are under 25 -- or have no sense of humor.  In the latter 2 cases?  Run far, run fast.  In fact, never read this blog again!  Otherwise, put your feet up for a moment and enjoy the following previews:

In Bruges Trailer uncensored

"In Bruges" - Must See

Excuse ME! Vote People -- please!