MEXICO


We Are Very Different:  Part Two:

The Three Mamies

The Three Mamies

9:45 am:  Not wanting to miss any of this glorious paradisical vacation,  we Mamies decide to get up early.   To that end we roll out of bed around 10.  

Forward thinking, we have arranged to have breakfast prepared.  As soon as we shuffle out of our rooms, luxuriating in our comfy robes and drape our respective selves in cushy veranda chairs, coffee is brought to us.  Muchas gracius, gracius!   We all take a sip, then let our heads fall back and moan with joy.

10:00 am:  After the second delivered cup of coffee, breakfast is served in several courses -- so many elegant dishes - too many to fit on our coffee table, and we have to relocate to the dining table -- aaaaallll the way across the veranda.

Of course the maids must wait for us to practice our melodic Southern-belle Spanish before they can serve us. We've been  a-studying how to ask -- politely -- for coffee.    We need to say "Podria tener una cafecita".   So we greet the friendly young women with smiles and enthusiasm, and pronounce confidently,

 Pod-raaaaay-a    ten-noooor    unaaas   tres   coffee-see-tus? 

They understand us perfectly, smiling so much with appreciation that they burst into laughter.  We're getting the hang of this Espan-n-oil.  Our Cuban husbands will be DEE-lie-TED-DA.

10:30 am:  Sunny day.  Beach time!  We agree to dress quickly and head out to the pools.  45 minutes later we are dressed remarkably similarly:  retro polka-dot one piece bathing suits, peaking out from the necklines of colorful pool dresses,  casual canvas slingback heels (same shade of blue as the suits), silver necklaces, diamond rings,  Jackie-O sunglasses and impressively large red straw hats, carrying matching  beach bags.

11:25 am:  Down to the golf cart.  We try to start it but it's not working -- so we call "RAF-- AYE --- ELLLLLL."  He drives down and starts the golf cart.  Oh, we laugh embarrassingly, we have to turn the key!  We pile in and race to the nearest pool.  Funny that Rafael manages to walk there just as fast as we drive.  

12:00 noon:  Arrive at the pool -- the one next to the gym -- sit in the hot tub and discuss what a good idea it would be for us to walk on the treadmill for awhile.  Decide we will definitely do that today.  Definitely.  As soon as we get out of the hot tub.  . . .

. . .  But the hot tub is really hot so we rinse off in the deliciously warm, pool.  Then step back to our lounge chairs to dry off before heading to the gym.   

 A very friendly waiter comes up and asks if he can get us something. 

That is just soooo ni-ice--a!  we say to each other, Sure,  una agua pro favor.  No, tno una.  Unas tres aguas.  Con limon, pro favor. 

Then one of us says,   Limon's lime, right?  I looove-va limes!  

Our smiles are contagious so the suddenly-very-happy-appearing waiter asks,  You like some lime drink, Señorita?  

We glance at ourselves -- one to the other -- Well sure, that sounds real ni-ice. 

The waiter lists some lime drinks, ending with and, por supuesto, we have de BEST margaritas!  Muy muy buenas!

Oh really?!?  long pause . . . Well  . . okay . . . I'll have one. 

 Yes, me to!

And me -- pro favor!

4:00 pm:  While adjusting my lounge chair my finger gets stuck in the lever and, before I know it, I'm flipped around laying on the ground, rear in the air, trying to get my broken finger out! 

OWIE!  HELP!!!HELP!   

I look like a flopping fish but manage to get my finger out!  It is cut and in terrible terrible pain!  Luckily I have several cups of melting ice by this point -- there are even some ice cubes round like a ring and so I place several on my broken finger,   OW OW OWIE -- IT'S  SOOOOOOOOOO    COLD-DA!   I'M GETTING FROSTBITE!

Meanwhile the second Mamie is holding her arm and grimacing -- she slid in the hot tub and bruised her arm,  It might be broken too!   Ice will  help.  She's pissed because her eye is still irritated from the antibiotic ear drops she put in it yesterday.

OW OW OWIE

And the third is hyperventilating and waving her arm in the air because she's just been attacked by a cactus thorn -- or possibly a dangerous stinging bug -- and is developing a hot huge rapidly-spreading walk over her entire forearm.  She also has plenty of ice cups -- ice in towel, onto arm.

OW OW OWIE

5:00 pm: This has been so traumatic that there's nothing for it but another margarita.  We so order, holding off on another order of shrimp cerviche with guacamole as the chefs will be arriving soon.

Good God-a, how are we going to survive this place?????!!!

5:30 pm: The sun is going down.  Time to go back  But we are clearly too injured to drive, so ask the waiter to please call Rafael and arrange for him to walk down and drive us home in our golf cart.  He does so with grace and we are so grateful to him!

6:00 pm:  The chefs have arrived and are preparing dinner.  Seeing our distress, they hand us margaritas authenticas to take with us while we shower and dress for dinner.

6:45 pm: Calmed down, dressed up, and decked out -- we repose to the veranda and rest our weary bodies in the downy cushions of the oversized deck chairs.   We have pre-ordered coconut shrimp, fresh ahi cerviche, escargot with garlic butter, caviar and foie gras with home-made bread, sea bass Veracruz with a side of lightly grilled baby vegetables.  These are served with flights of perfectly matched wines -- and all is finished with a coconut flan, pomegranate coulis and icy French champagne.  We sigh with pure contentment and regain our considerable senses of humor.

May-be we will make it.

We have the chefs laughing uproariously -- and even convince the elder one to teach us some salsa moves.  Sadly they have to go by 9.

8:50 pm:  Tired but very content, we decide to watch a movie on the enormous flat screen.   Damn, Everything's in Spanish!!!

8:56 pm: We call the concierge, who sends someone down to help right away.  OMG -- all we had to do was to change the audio setting to English!   We offer to make the technician a margarita in thanks, but he seems to be in   a hurry to leave. 

Whatever!  Some people are just so uptight!

10:30 pm: Vow to relax more the next day -- and not to get up so damn early.  After all,  the masseuses aren't arriving until 11:00 am.